Rituals & Traditions of a Chinese Bride

Photo credits to Leemarc Lao | Lao Brothers Photography

The experts, Toronto wedding planners, Rhonda Lam, Rainbow Chan, and Rebecca Chan, will tell you the traditions and rituals necessary for a Chinese bride, how to follow them, and why.

Let’s start off with a simple ritual— choosing the date. Now, this isn’t necessarily aimed towards the bride specifically, but rather, both, the bride and the groom.

The wedding and engagement date must be selected from the Chinese Lunar calendar, which normally comes out towards the end of the year (around November). The date is chosen by either a feng shui master or the parents.

A feng shui master is a someone who specializes in the Chinese philosophical system of harmonizing everyone with the environment— commonly known as ‘feng shui'. ’Feng shui translates to ‘wind-water.’

“They have to match the dates of the bride of the groom, and the parents of the bride and the groom, and some even go further and reach the grandparents,” said Rhonda Lam. Normally, in Western countries, families don’t go to such extents due to the heavy calculations and date eliminations.

For the most part, months which feature birthdays should be avoided, and least compatible horoscopes should be avoided.

Lam says that celebration months, such as the Chinese New Year or the Chinese Halloween in July should also be avoided, because it is considered odd number according to ancient beliefs. “Two great things coming together will clash,” she said. After the lucky wedding date is chosen, another date is chosen for the engagement ceremony, also known as, ‘Guo Da Li.’

At the engagement ceremony, the groom’s side of the family buys gifts and presents it at the bride’s house. It is a way of showing respect, and asking the honour of marrying the bride. All items should be served in pairs— no odd numbers.

Some of the paired items are dragon and phoenix bridal cakes, wine and tobacco, sweetmeats and sugar, and other material items— all in red pockets.

Once the gifts have been received, the bridal side will return half, alongside other items of their own. The idea behind this ritual is to show wealth, and according to Rainbow Chan, it symbolizes good luck and prosperity.

And on the wedding day, the bride’s family presents her items (mostly jewellery), to show wealth, and sincerity.

According to Lam, the engagement ceremony isn’t a focus to a Canadian-Chinese family. It is performed because it’s a ritual and symbolic, however showing wealth is given less importance.

Now here’s a fun ritual aimed specifically for the bride. As mentioned during the Huo Da Li, the groom gives bridal cakes. Afterwards, when the bride is giving out her invitations, she has to distribute the bridal cakes. So each of her invitations come with a ‘cake certificate,’ for the guests.

Another ancient Chinese bridal ritual is the “hair-combing ceremony,” which takes place on the morning of the wedding day. This ceremony is performed based on a ‘lucky time.’ The groom’s side performs their set of rituals an hour or so before the bride’s ‘lucky time.’

This ceremony is performed by a “good luck woman,” who is also usually the bridesmaid or maid of honour. This woman must be in a happy marriage, both of her parents must be alive, and she must have offsprings of their own. The idea behind this ceremony is to pass on the good luck woman’s luck onto the soon-to-be-bride.

Chinese phrases are to be recited when combing, and according to Lam, normally the hair is combed four times (for the bride). Items such as dragon and phoenix candles should be lit up during the ceremony, and fruits and sweet rice-ball dumplings should be present. Also, the bride must sit facing the moon (hopefully, a new moon). “This tradition is not very common in the west,” says Rainbow. “It’s rare,” she says.

The most common traditions followed in the west are the door games, and the tea ceremony. Rebecca Chan links this tradition to ancient China, where the groom goes to pick up the bride from her village. At this time, the villagers and bride’s family will test if his intentions are true, and if he’s well respected, and if he’s good enough for the bride.

“It’s kind of a modern take on that [idea],” she explained. “Now it’s turned into a fun take where the groom and groomsmen are subjected to challenging games to get to the bride."

Photo credits to Leemarc Lao | Lao Brothers Photography

The door games usually involve eating, projecting money (in red pockets), and being tested at tasks such as singing, answering questions, showcasing gestures of love, etc., all done in good fun.

Following the door games is the tea ceremony, which is performed by both— the bride and the groom.

The ceremonial items present are black tea, red dates, lotus seeds, and sometimes rock sugar. The bride and the groom serve tea together to the elders, as a sign of showing respect. Rebecca explains that they sometimes kneel while serving.

Rainbow explains that their job, as wedding planners is to sometimes create the line-up for the tea service and set up the tea sets. The line up goes from the parents, to the grandparents, to whoever is next in ranking (e.g uncles and aunts), explains Lam. The fathers’s family is always served first, and mothers’s second.

The “good luck” woman is present at this time, too. She is usually holding the tea tray, and saying blessings, wishing them good luck, wealth, and happiness. The “good luck” woman is someone who is usually in a marriage matrimony herself. Preferably, someone who’s an example for the bride.

Those receiving tea will give the couple red pockets and jewelry. Lam says that all bridal jewelry is gold and involves some hint of dragon and phoenix as they are symbols of happiness.

Photo credits to Leemarc Lao | Lao Brothers Photography

Photo credits to Leemarc Lao | Lao Brothers Photography

Other ancient bridal traditions include serving of the roasted pig and preparation of the bridal bed.

The roasted pig is a symbol of the bride’s virginity. If the groom is satisfied that his wife is a virgin, a roasted pig is gifted to the bride’s family with the tail on. If not, the tail and ears are off.

The preparation of the bridal bed requires the sheets of the bed, where the bride will be on her wedding night, to be changed to red. Again, these traditions are rare, but according to the wedding planners, it all depends on the families, and their traditions and beliefs.

“Every family is different, in terms of how superstitious, how traditional their background is. It really depends on the family, some people do more, some people do less,” said Rainbow.

A final tradition occurs when the bride is leaving her home. Once again, at a chosen lucky time, the good luck woman will open a red umbrella and hold it over the bride’s head as the exits.

When she leaves, the guests and family members will throw red beans, rice, and green beans towards the umbrella like confetti.

There are two meanings behind this ritual: one, it is a celebration (hence the resemblance to confetti), and two, it symbolizes to the scarring off any devils from attacking the bride.

At this point the bride has already said her goodbyes and she is not to look back or say goodbye further, representing her walking in to the future and to be married.

“If she turns or returns home, it means she is not getting married,” said Lam.

After reading all these traditions, you may have noticed that there’s a lot of red. Red dress, red beans, red dates, red pockets, red sheets, etc. That is because the colour red signified happiness and luck in Chinese culture.

“It could be very troublesome if you follow every single tradition and buy every single item,” said Lam, when asked about the changes occurred to these traditions over time. Especially due to the demand of livestock in some rituals, or some items that are hard to find, many traditions aren’t performed.

In these modern times, the most common items used are red pockets.

Traditions and rituals change over time as the generations come and go, however, one thing remains, and that is the intentions and meanings behind all the traditions/rituals; well wishes for the bride and groom for their rite of passage.