Customs of an Indian Hindu Bride

Photo credits to Dewey Truong/ Kim and Dewey Photography

A typical Indian Hindu wedding is four to five days long, it involves plenty of singing, dancing, eating and drinking and many traditional

celebrations and rituals. In fact, it’s likely that Indian families top the list of in terms of the number of customs and cultural ceremonies they undertake both on the big day itself, and on the days prior. It’s time to celebrate!

Throughout the wedding celebration, before and after, there are many customs that the bride and groom perform individually and together — some are the same and some are different, but each has a special meaning. If you’ve never attended an Indian wedding before, all these customs and traditions can be confusing.

This article is written to help clear up some of the confusion and follows the traditions of an Indian Hindu bride. It is a guide to help you understand well-known traditions that Indian brides follow and the meaning behind them, from start to finish.

The Mehendi Ceremony

Items needed: Sweets, mehendi, instruments (a dhol) and your best dancing shoes!

Commonly known as henna in the Western world, the mehendi ceremony plays a massive role for Indian brides. It is the most popular traditional ceremony followed by Indian brides in the West.

A sure sign of a South Asian bride is when her hands, up until her arms, are adorned with designs using henna, as are her feet. Brides usually get their mehendi two to three days prior to their wedding day, as the colour gets darker over time. It changes from a golden colour to dark brown depending on the pigment of their skin.

There is a belief that the darker the mehendi turns, the more your husband loves you, said Sonia Kohli, a wedding planner at Dashing Dulhan, an event management company located in Brampton, Ontario. Kohli expressed her skepticism towards that belief in today’s time. She cautions that thanks to the advancement of chemicals and pigmentations available, the darkening effect is much easier to procure.

The mehendi ceremony usually involves close female relatives and female friends of the bride, who sing songs while the bride gets her henna done. Everyone does their henna on the same night. This is a bonding opportunity and a celebration of the bride’s upcoming journey. The mehendi ceremony is usually adjoined with the sangeet. It’s a “meet and greet” and dance party before the wedding, said Raj Pahwa, president of Absolute Wedsite (pun intended), a destination wedding company.

Photo credits to Fatima Texiwala

Pahwa, being Indian, specializes in Hindu and Sikh weddings, two different religions widely followed in India. They some similarities, one being location: Hindu weddings are held at a temple, and Sikh weddings are held at a Gurdwara (a place for worship for Sikhs). However, customs and traditions differ from region to region.

The Turmeric Ceremony

Items needed: Haldi paste. It is available at South Asian grocery stores. Or you can make your own by mixing turmeric and sandalwood water. Rose water is also added to give fragrance.

In Hindi, turmeric is commonly known as the haldi. This ceremony is for both the bride and groom. Both families will gather and rub the mixture on visible body parts of the bride and groom (mostly the arms, legs, and face). It is a way of celebrating and wishing the couple well in addition to giving them blessings.

Kohli said turmeric is used to give the couple a bright and healthy colour on their wedding day. “It is a cleanse. It is purifying the bride and groom, bringing out that wedding glow,” said Kohli.

The Choora Ceremony

Items needed: Choora bangles, and your maternal uncle (the eldest).

Choora’s can be described as ‘bridal bangles.’ Featured as a set of 21 bangles for each hand, and they must be a mix of two colours: red and white. The colour red signifies an auspicious occasion and it represents purity.

“Wearing the choora signifies the status of a married woman. It is also a sign of fertility and prosperity. It is worn for the well-being of the husband,” said Jag Brar from My Big Day, a wedding planner organization specializing in destination and Indian weddings.

Choora is given to the bride the night before her wedding or on the morning of by her maternal uncle. The bride is not allowed to see the choora until the wedding day, and she is expected to wear the bangles at all times for at least six months after the wedding.

“When the colour starts to fade, the in-laws must get it re-coloured. However nowadays, the brides usually wear the choora for 40 days after the wedding and then take it off,” said Brar.

Today, Indian brides are not expected to wear the full set of 21 bangles, they can choose to wear only one or two and wear the full set only when their immediate family is present at gatherings or events, for example.

“There is definitely a shift in the representation of showing that you’re a married woman now. Because we live in a multicultural society, it’s not very important now to signify that you’re a married woman,” explains Kohli. "Whereas in India, you would definitely have to do it because it is part of the culture that you show people that you’re a married woman.”

The Hastamilaap and Kanyadaan Rituals

Items needed: Sacred thread or red cloth, betel leaf, flowers, nuts, sacred water in a pot, and the required family members. It is performed during the wedding ceremony.

This hastamilaap ritual is performed at the wedding ceremony by the father of the bride. It starts with the priest reciting religious vows throughout the ceremony. While the priest is speaking, the father of the bride joins the right hands of both the bride and the groom, in what is called the hastamilaap.

Photo credits to Dewey Truong/ Kim and Dewey Photography

A sacred thread is used to join their hands together or a red cloth is placed on top of the bride’s hand and covered by a betel leaf, flowers, and nuts. This part of the ritual is commonly performed by the sister of the groom. Not only is this a way of binding the couple together, but it also shows the father’s approval of the groom and the marriage.

Photo credits to Dewey Truong/ Kim and Dewey Photography

Next is the kanyadaan. The kanyadaan is the official separation of the bride from her family. It signifies and confirms her transition from daughter to wife. The word kanyadaan, is two Hindi words adjoined. Kanya means maiden, and daan, means donation, roughly translated it means “gift of a maiden” in English.

Once their hands are placed on top of each other, the mother of the bride pours sacred water through their hands, which signifying unity and the binding of the bride and groom together.

The Saath Pheras

Items needed: Flower petals (for guests to shower at the bride and groom), a mandap (meaning tent), a sacred fire.

After the kanyadaan, the bride and the groom perform the saath pheras.

The saath pheras, means seven rounds. It is performed around a sacred fire, which the bride and groom circle seven times during the wedding. During the saath pheras, the priest recites a vow for and after each round.

Photo credits to Dewey Truong/ Kim and Dewey Photography

The saath pheras is a ceremony derived from Hindu religion. “The couple take their vows before God, who is symbolized in the ritual by fire and light, building the foundation of their relationship,” according to the Absolute Wedsite website. “The vows speak [of] loyalty, love, and commitment that the two will share during their lifetime as a married couple.”

The Vidaai

Items needed: A tray of rice and tissues (for the tears).

This happens after the wedding and signifies the bride’s final departure from her family. During the vidaai, the bride is handed a handful of rice by her mother which she throws over her head behind her. “The gesture is often seen as a token of gratitude,” said Brar. “By throwing rice, the bride thanks her parents for feeding her so well since childhood and having loved her so affectionately.” Brar also said that rice is considered as a symbol of prosperity.

This ritual is also known as dholi, because traditionally, a carriage (called a dholi in Hindi) would carry the bride away from the wedding venue and to her new home. Nowadays, the choice of carriage is a car and instead of going alone the bride goes with her groom.