#MyQipao

Last year, 24-year-old Amber Akilla tweeted out a photo that garnered a lot of attention from various people across the world. In the tweet, Akilla explains how, despite living in a predominantly white community since she was young, she is trying to reclaim her culture and heritage. The tweet was accompanied by a picture where she is seen sporting a red sleeveless qipao. She later tweeted out the hashtag #MyQipao with more information regarding her struggle with appreciating her background. I had the opportunity to interview Akilla to discuss her childhood, her culture and the meaning of #MyQipao.

Cellie Agunbiade: What was it like growing up?

Amber Akilla: Well, I grew up in Perth, Australia. The school and area I grew up in was very Eurocentric. In places like that, being part of a minority group, you may grow up hearing things like “you’re not one of them” at best, or “you’re a cool Asian” or “all Chinese/Asian people are x, y z” – including foot-binding and smelly food jokes. The unbearable part was sometimes being expected to tolerate straight-up ignorance or racism like that. I remember being added to a group chat with a bunch of guys when I was around 14, who insisted I leave “their” country, despite being born in Australia myself. That was one of the most alienating experiences of my life. After that incident, my girlfriends still saw them every weekend and I never received an apology for their behaviour. I also remember communicating with my grandparents in Chinese and being patronized and mocked for them not being able to speak English. Also, the blatant projection of female Asian stereotypes like “I’m really into Asian girls”, “You’re such a timid Chinese girl”. It took so long for me to grow into myself just because it got to a point where there were always these ideas about what I am or who I should be before I was given a chance to explore it for myself.

C.A: And was this why you believed you were ashamed to show any connection to your ethnicity?

A.K: Definitely. When you’re younger - most people just want to fit in. I compare myself to my mother who is just so sure of herself and always has been. However, I wasn’t born with that kind of self-confidence. Also, my mum never understood the racism and discrimination I experienced or why I could have been so affected by it when I was younger. She grew up in China where her identity was never questioned in that way. By the time my mum got to Australia she was old enough to know who she was and there were bigger problems for her than fitting in. In reality, you don’t walk around thinking about how Asian or blonde or brunette, Indian or Ethiopian you look, but if you’re in a minority group, there are those subtle and obvious ways that you can be reminded of this.

C.A: How are you finding ways to "cling to any connection you have with your ethnicity"?

A.K: Social media is an extremely underrated tool in connecting with people and ideas that you relate to. For me, when I was younger, mainstream media and advertising was always focused on skinny blonde girls wearing clothes I didn't like and participating in activities I didn’t enjoy. But with Tumblr, Instagram and other blogging platforms it was easier to find people from all different backgrounds and from all over the world that were interested in the same ideas, music, fashion and lifestyle. From seeing and knowing like-minded people were out there and then connecting with them online and in person and sharing our experiences with each other, this definitely gave me more self-confidence in my own heritage and validated the experiences that I had use to dismiss. Also, studying abroad in Beijing last year and now being based in Shanghai has helped too. Just being around people that look like you and share the same culture is a blessing. Also, having amazing friends, regardless of background that accept and celebrate each other's identity and giving each other room to grow and develop has been at the core of this. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing because the journey has brought so much love and appreciation for the amazing people in my life. I honestly tear up for my 14-year-old self and the trash she had to deal with.

C.A: What does a Qipao mean to you?

A.K: Qipaos are so beautiful! And the cut and design of them can be so flattering especially for the neck and waist. They are obviously visual representations of the Chinese culture. Considering the “Orientalism” trend of the past few years, Chinese and other Asian dresses have been ignorantly appropriated and recycled to the point of barely holding any real tie to its origins, worn by people with little to no connection of its origins either. However, qipao to me just means being able to claim it for myself and not just as a trend.

C.A: Now, what does #MyQipao mean and say about to you?

A.K: The tweet is for many first, second and third generation immigrants of Chinese and Asian families that have a similar struggle with their cultural identity, where some may nervous to wear their qipao or respective traditional dresses. Because they should! That tweet was just an example of a few people that relate. Whether its #myQipao, #myKimono, #mySari etc, it means expressing where I’m from without shame for who I am or where my family is from.

C.A: What does wearing it make you feel?

A.K: Well, I’m past the point of really caring what people think about where I’m from anymore. The qipao transcends trend for me. When I was younger and given a silk qipao, by the time I was ready to wear it without feeling embarrassed, I’d already grown out of it. So, wearing a qipao now is both pride in who I am and letting anyone that sees me in one, know it. I also by default look better in it than anyone that isn’t Chinese. Sorry I don’t make the rules!

C.A: Do you feel a sense of passing on and educating people about your culture?

A.K. Yes and no. I think as I’ve gotten older it’s easier to tell the difference between someone who is genuinely interested in your culture and someone who has already bought into stereotypes and assumptions and just wants to challenge your own experience with whatever misinformation they have. The last thing I want is people taking my experience and questioning other people’s just because it differs from mine, “this Asian girl said this was okay, so you can’t get mad about it” etc. I always tell people that everyone’s experience is individual and generalizations don’t always apply and I will always excuse ignorance to a degree. A few of my really close friends today used to say extremely ignorant and misinformed things but everyone is capable of educating themselves and empathizing with another person’s experience.

C.A: Lastly, I understand that you are not married, but do you plan to wear a qipao on your wedding day?

A.K: I’ve actually never really thought about my wedding in detail or what I’d wear. I think growing up in Australia, it’s just assumed you’d wear a white gown but I’d definitely consider wearing a qipao now! I am nowhere close to getting married, ha-ha. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t rule out wearing a qipao on my wedding day but let’s see if, to who, and when I’m getting married before we decide what I’d wear!